I live for the things this woman says. The “I don’t know her” .gif, in my opinion, is her greatest contribution to date.

This is a bummer because a handful of my friends will be out of a job.

Take your star, but I’m not happy about it.

I just want to say that I feel very attacked right now and if I ate that many veggies, my farts would burn a hole in the ozone layer. #savetheplanet

An apology AND a thank you for the education. That’s top notch.

All our cafeteria okra was fried. I am sending you condolences.

He does need an adjustment there. . . But he admitted fault instead of blaming them or denying it like EVERYONE ELSE.

Well that was NEARLY refreshing. Seeing a dude own his shit is so rare. I feel DIZZY.

JEREMY PIVEN IS CANCELLED.

I own 4 pairs of their leggings. They’re good leggings. GFY.

I hope the maid fucking recycles it.

I have a theory that Rand Paul baited this guy verbally until he couldn’t take it anymore.

I will now provide a list of things I would do to obtain this hat or one like it:

I’m screaming. <3

*darkest timeline*

Shit why isn’t my pic showing up? oh well.

Here I am telling him how important he was to my sexual development hahahahaahh!

<3

Man. I love me some Corey Feldman. He came to one of my burlesque shows a few years ago and it was absolutely life affirming to have him in my audience. He was so nice and not creepy like a lot of famous men I encounter. It breaks my heart to think what happened to him.

*slow clap*