Children only confirm that the mother has had sex.

“Oh, so now you guys start emphasizing butt hygiene.”

Youth sports suck. I have 4 kids, ages 9, 13, 14, 17 and they’ve all played tons of sports. I regret almost all of the psychic energy I committed to it. I do not regret showing up and supporting my kids, which I will continue to do.

WHY DON’T THEY JUST MAKE THE WHOLE CONDOM OUT OF SALIVA THEN?!!?!

“GM Alex Anthopoulos is buying...”

Desmond’s only real error is his failure to realize that if he simply changed his uniform number to 22, he would likely have the highest-selling baseball jersey in the history of South Africa.

Of course he wasn’t hurt too badly. Sepp’s lesser known brother Rob is a defensive specialist.

I’ve been to Philadelphia and I’m pretty that’s a rat.

If the Kia Tigers are anything like my Kia Optima, he was back there to help push.

What if he hits 660 or 661 in Boston and the RedSox put up something like “Congratulations on passing Willie Mays on the all-time HR list! What a MILESTONE!” That’d be an awesome troll move.

They did this once in Chicago too, but most people felt it was in bad taste when Ron Santo was used as the measuring stick for anything under two feet.

You'd think as a member of the Browns, he'd be tired of all the booze.

I'm 99% sure every cameraman in the NFL has been chipping in a dollar to a pool that goes to the guy who captures the exact moment Jerry Jones dies. And they've been doing it for years, so there's a lot of money on the line.

So does Jeter.

BuzzBallz are sad.

ESPN commented that the reporter will be reprimanded for not following their style guides for reporting quotations versus paraphrasing. (Had ESPN followed Chicago Manual of Style guidelines—my personal preference—this wouldn't have been an issue.)

The editing of the video that results in the "yay...aww...yay...aww...yay...aww..." is too good.

October 1: Mueller announces that he has interviewed Goodell, who finally admits that he asked his lieutenants not to retrieve the video. However, Goodell has learned from his lesson, and will be suspended for one month and reinstated.

Well, it's not like they can just go back now.

This will all make sense next season when they roll out an improved wife helmet.