I would not joke about something as serious as The Abby Lee Dance Academy. I can’t find the human trafficking dance, maybe I imagined it or saw it one of the short lived spin-offs, but I did find a number called “Runaways”. On the show, it was presented as a dance number about runaway teens, but in real life it was a…

It reminds me of some of the routines they come up with on Dance Moms. Seriously, over the course of that series they’ve covered topics like human trafficking, missing children, and a fatal car crash caused by texting while driving.

Once again, Mel Brooks has been there and done that. I was going to say Helter Skelter then I remembered reading a book about the East Village that mentioned a musical starring Joey Arias and Ann Magnuson called Charles Manson Superstar.

No. I don’t want that. Can I have reruns of Drunk History and Another Period instead?

Even without the online reviews, the critical response to Ghostbusters was mediocre at best.

Then what about all the remakes that live up to (or often surpass the original)?

Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Nosferatu the Vampyr, Scarface, The Thing, The Fly, Little Shop of Horrors, Cape Fear, Ocean’s Eleven, The Departed, etc.

Ghostbusters was denied a release in China. The Chinese government doesn’t approve of films about ghosts.

Check your facts before you rant.

No. Zika kills you. It’s what killed Prince, Aretha Franklin said so.

Didn’t Gwen have that pink hair in the early 2000's?

It’s like a prequel to Zardoz. Like someone asked the question, what did Zardoz look like before he was just a head? Maybe he had an equally terrifying horse friend.

Oh, no. You see, network television has rich history of bare butts going all the way back to a 1972 episode of M*A*S*H, most famously NYPD Blue.

Oh, there’s already new Bieber dick pics this morning of him skinny dipping in Hawaii. I have to say, Orlando is winning. His is just more visually appealing.

But private sex clubs aren’t “seedy” they’re classy affairs with champagne and Venetian masks.

If they’re going to seedy clubs, how would they keep that secret?

I could understand how it was done in the days of Vincent Price and Coral Browne. But even then, it wasn’t a well kept secret and they weren’t nearly as famous as Smith and Pinkett or Travolta and Preston.

Also, I would think it’s Will and Jada because…

Michelle let him leave the house in a brown suit? Well, I’m going to have to give her the #5 spot on my “Worst First Ladies List” and move Imelda Marcos down to #20.

That commercial where the husband accidentally uses his wife’s Summer’s Eve body wash (that’s scientifically formulated for your ‘v’) and he has to do all kinds of manly things like chopping wood and chugging a beer to counterbalance the effects.

Well, it’s a little known fact that the original Sprite slogan was; “When you gotta settle for something...”

Because not every feminist is anti-porn, some of them even enjoy it.

Because even though a lot of feminists may not like pornography, they acknowledge that it’s something which has existed since the beginnings of civilization and that, while the modern porn industry isn’t perfect, it’s much better regulated than it was…

You laugh. But you don’t want to go toe-to-toe with him in bird law.