I hope these two play til 50.

Hopefully they don’t have an interleague game at Wrigley this year, because if he sees hundreds of cups full of pee, he may go catatonic.

He did cut himself. On the first basket. It was literally the first thing he did, and I am using literally correctly.

Dancing with two thumbs up is the official signal for, "more Miracle Whip on my American Cheese sandwich, please."

“Who the fuck is Drew Magary?”

My wife found him hilarious and sweet. She said she likes him even more now. But she also likes Nicholas Sparks books, Michael Bay films, large family gatherings, and (usually) me.

This man bred three times.

At least you didn’t try to get the judges’ sympathy by mentioning a dead relative or pet, Drew. And you didn’t cut yourself.

What a GLORY BOY

All caps AND bold. A new era is upon us.

You would’ve thought someone in his village taught him that.

Wow, look at that incompetent figurehead strutting around like he’s doing something of value. Like he’s actually respected by anyone. How do you not have the self-awareness to realize that you suck at your job so much? That you should just quit while you’re behind? Seriously, just show some fucking dignity at this…

“I don’t think he likes or respects stars.”

Uh, no. ROTJ was awesome.

Kind of fascinating that ESPN Insider exists. There’s a 2009 Bloomberg article that claims 350,000 subscribers. At $40 annually, that’s only $14M. Drop in the bucket for ESPN. But as a standalone unit the subscriber model makes the cost of its reporting look profitable — super profitable considering its writers…

So when does Deadspin Premium Account start?

Appropriate, since “not pleasurable, but consistent” has been the Cubs’ motto for the last 100 years.

I think the Rock should play Hooke. No one can prove that Hooke wasn’t a 6’4” 300lb half Samoan.

Every time I talk to ultra people and read about ultra people it reinforces the only thing all ultra runners have in common: they're crazy.