So given the supposed diagnosis, what was with all that writhing and carrying on? A soccer flop?

I know. I felt kinda bad writing it. Not too bad to not hit “publish,” though ...

His daughter is going to grow taller and more beautiful, while his new wife will continue to get more hunched and will at some point go full-on Grey Gardens on him, especially if she continues smoking. Yuck to the whole thing.

“We women go through an entire pregnancy carrying a baby...of course it only makes sense that we get something amazing to show how amazing we are!”

If you guys want a real story, find the 24-hour FedEx/Kinkos clerk who had to print giant Schneiderman heads.

There absolutely are, and they’re frightening. I tweeted a smarmy comment about him during the debate the other night, mainly that I didn’t think his remark about Carly Fiorina interrupting everyone was very chivalrous (a rather milquetoast comment), and two people attacked me and called ME sexist. As he continues to…

Dear Amy: We get that your quirkiness was both edgy and adorable for a while there, and maybe it’s not fair that journalists and critics everywhere slobbered all over you to the point that we started thinking you were paying them to kiss your ass, but the microphone as your personal therapy session is both not what…

Yeah, in our Patriots-hating family, many of us can do the post-Super Bowl impression of Gisele [adopting Gisele accent]: “What do people expect? My husband can’t throw the ball and catch the ball.” It was glorious.

I have not been able to get past the top photo of Daniel Craig swathed in velvet to read this. But, you know, thanks?

He and his wife came to a fashion show I was working a few years back. So many celebs who come to those shows don’t want to be bothered aside from having their photo taken, they make that very clear, or their publicist does. Not even a little bit true about Damon. He talked to everyone and couldn’t have been nicer.…

This hiring screams three things:

It must be exhausting to be so right.

But Lucas said around the time Empire came out that he had Anakin’s story for the prequels pretty much mapped out. With that in mind, you can’t just dismiss the prequels as part of Vader’s overall arc.

Aren’t you forgetting that, in the prequels, Senator/Chancellor Palpatine/Darth Sidious/the Emperor lies to and manipulates Anakin, playing basically the ultimate mind-fuck games on him, to turn him away from and mistrust those he loves and over to the Dark Side? In Jedi, one could argue this all hits home for Vader…

I can’t help but think these people needed to watch a Law & Order marathon every once in a while. Texts? Gun residue on your hands and clothes? Amateur hour!

So River Phoenix was really River Bottom?

As someone who lives near many, many pubs in NYC, trust me when I say yes, and that regardless of the temperature on Oct 31st, they'll all be hanging out on the sidewalk smoking and drinking wearing these plastic monstrosities ...

That's why I didn't try to come up with something better ...

And thus the countdown to that hit single, “Your Happy Happy Ending Made Me So So Sad,” begins.

This, this, so much this. When ESPN added that annoying millennial to only talk fantasy stats, it was a serious WTF moment.