How dare you.

Original Gardetto’s all the way!

Mandatory:

Great.

Nah, you gotta have some pretzels and weird little breadstick things mixed in. Just eating straight up rye chips isn’t the same.

This burn deserves way more stars.

I have a habit of tearing off little pieces of pizza (from the slice) to eat, instead of biting into the slice like a normal person or at least using a fork & knife like someone who’s not a goddamn mess. This is a habit I’ve developed partially from having two veneers on my front teeth that require extra careful…

Glue the tip money to the table. That way no one is just casually stealing the money on their way out. They’d have to spend at least a good minute trying to rip the money off the table, and by then someone surely would have noticed the would-be tip thief in action and appropriately accosted them. It’s foolproof.

Shit, CYBER SECURITY is a million times more of a national emergency than this stupid fucking wall.

I feel like all Ron Johnson does is say things without actually saying anything.

Yeah, I would think our company would be able to send out an email blast about it. I’m just confused how anyone still thinks dousing themselves in perfume or cologne is desirable or okay.

It’s ridiculous. We’re all basically getting pay cuts without the cuts being as direct and obvious as a salary/hourly wage cut.

I was just thinking today...sometimes it makes you feel numb yet in pain at the same time and just TIRED. Like sitting at your desk feeling like it takes too much energy even to sit up straight and stop slouching. And when it’s really bad you feel like a total garbage person but maybe don’t know why, but it takes too…

I work for a large, very profitable company and it’s infuriating to see our benefits get worse and worse every year (“Consumer driven health care”?? Fuck that. Call it what it actually is—high deductible health insurance.), while we get minimal raises and minimal/no bonuses, as the CEO constantly talks about our…

What?? Who does that? Licking the Cheeto dust off your fingers like a filthy heathen is the best part!

I’ve never understood why someone would make fun of another person’s laugh or joy like that. Like what are you getting out of that?

A scary number of these anti choice fuckwads don’t seem to realize just how dangerous pregnancy and childbirth are still today. And not just life threatening dangers, but also potentially permanent physical or emotional damage resulting from it. It’s not just being uncomfortable for 9 months and then having a bit of a …

Or a millennial working a job that pays $30k? These examples seemed really unrelatable for a lot of young people.

Great, now I’ve got the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme stuck in my head. THANKS, BERNIE.