See, I really want to love yoga but everything I've tried has bored me! Maybe I should take an actual class instead of doing stuff at home.

Gurl, I feel you. Personally, I think I'm hot - as does my husband - but people will never EVER tell me that for fear that the fat girl might think they are hitting on her or some such shit. Fuck that noise. I'm sure you are beautiful and if you feel beautiful then rock out with that attitude!

I will never ever believe him in any role other than "creepy fuck".

I am very lucky in that my god-daughters' mom is awesome; I was her support person for both births and she always tells people I'm a co-parent, lol. She doesn't take the "ethereal mother, better than you childless peon" attitude some folks get.

Oh my god, I love you. Seriously. I have had three - THREE! - different people at different points in my life tell me that I will never know real love if I don't have a baby. First, how fucking rude are you to say that to a stranger? Second, if my ability to feel love is contingent on my pushing something out of my…

Yesssss, I love having godkids - all the fun, none of the fuss.

Oh, no kidding. Not to mention that if any of the women are like me their beards would have rivaled Rick, lol. Thanks, Mediterranean ancestry!

Okay, I love mayo but the thought of a mayo/canned pineapple sandwich makes me want to die.

Send it to my husband's aunt - she thinks it is top of the chain eye-talian cuisine! *retch*

I have always always given people a check for a wedding gift. Here ya go, mazel tov: Go to dinner or put it towards a vaca or go buy that sex swing you really want but can't put on a registry. Enjoy!

Legitimately, my only question is how does Father Gabriel keep his whites so white AFTER RIPPING OFF A WALKER'S HEAD?!

40% of Millennials Are Wrong and Idiotic

God, I remember that. I was so fucking HAPPY. Plus, anytime the two of them are together it makes me giddy.

I am not equipped to handle a presidential election without Stewart and Colbert.

She was my first thought too.

Nope, not the only one. That and red peppers.

Not to sound creepy but I love your dad for that.

I second this. Ew.

Okay, but I want these because pineapples!