I would advise against lines like, “are those your real teeth?” or, “that’s not really your real hair color, is it?” and of course, “Girl, you got some pretty big feet, did they give you a pair of oars when you bought those shoes?”

“Tickle your ass with a feather.”

You care for your own things, while I care for mine: I am alone and should I leave behind my handbag, I could go straight to sleep under a bridge. This if you’re not willing to take me home with you, of course. Therefore I will always try to save my life first, but if there’s even the smallest possibility of doing…

The guy has the wherewithal to film in landscape, in a life threatening situation, and it gets posted in vertical.

I want to tell her to calm down but then I think about the seething existential rage I experience at people that walk three wide in hallways and amble, or left lane hogs, or people that take too long to use the sugar/cream station at Starbucks, or people that forgot the form at the Post Office, or try and get on the…

This is the correct answer to the problem. My The bank’s property does not get to determine whether I live or die, not for orphans, not for priests, not for the president.

What’s the problem?!? Oxygen saturated environments are a blast!!

Who was this now? What planet are they from?

Then you’re an idiot. Because there’s more on the ballot than just the presidential candidates, and there are more presidential candidates than the two major party candidates. If you stay home because you don’t like Trump or Clinton, you’re allowing all the current Senators and Representatives who are up for…

I actually really liked that part about it. Paleo muffins are not a thing that should exist IMO—they’re just piles of almond flour. Why are you eating that again?

“Whole30 also prohibits treats that are usually made with non-paleo ingredients, so it’s considered cheating to recreate muffins or pancakes even if you use approved ingredients like almond flour.”

That dog has good handwriting

We call that Rednecks with Credit down here.

Wisconsinners as well!

But it should be a national issue. There is a related protest going on in North Dakota.

For some reason I read this in Apu’s voice.

If it’s not in New York or California does it really matter?

Are they made of gas!?! Can we use them to power my vehicle?

“Imagine Trump’s legs,” would be my yawning response as I recused myself from her presence.

Ugh the word pantsuit is the worst. It’s a suit! Just called a suit! That’s what it is. Men wear suits that include pants every day of their lives and no one ever says it’s a pantsuit. Just call it a suit. /pet peeve rant