The Biebers, without a doubt. First because ducks are cool other than the rapiness, so I wouldn’t want to hurt one I wasn’t intending to eat. And while I’m a big guy, I don’t think I could eat a 5'9", 145lb (so Bieb’s measurements are now a thing in my permanent Google record) duck without having to reheat some of it.…

Well, at least it’s not the one I use.

You know what I hate. Traditions. It’s one of the worst concepts in the world, but it feels comfortable so often you’re eagerly falling for its trap. Tradition supposes that 1) if something existed before it should continue existing unchallenged - intellectually, emotionally or even out of pure pragmatism, which is,…

Paint a white stripe down the back of the feral cat. The skunk will mistake it for a lady skunk and fall madly in love with it. It will hop daintily toward and cat and begin kissing its arm. While the skunk is distracted, club it with a shovel.  

It Takes A Lawsuit for Millions to Hold Us Back

Old Testament God: I’m gonna send plagues, dare old men to kill their sons, flood the whole damn world, and set these twin cities on fire! FUCK YOU ADAM AND EVE I TOLD Y’ALL TO NOT EAT THAT APPLE!

“Hi! I’ve got a tape I want to play!” (turns on boombox)

The Adam Smith acolytes among us would claim that people are rational enough to sacrifice profits now in order to guarantee profits later, but when the shortterm profits are significant enough, history makes it pretty clear that we get very very dumb in that regard.