Ooh! We do in the Albany area! That truck and the “MR. DING-A-LING” truck that plays “Turkey in the Straw” have both been around, though generally the Ding-a-Ling one is more common.

DONKEH SAUCE

Hey now
You’re a porn star
Take your clothes off
Get laid
Hey now
You’re a porn star
Put your clothes on
Get paid
And all that showers is gold…

“Too Much Paranoias”

I pass that park on my way to the Adirondacks, and I didn’t know it was the Bygone Thrills Nursing Home for Amusement Rides.

Most of Shmaltz’s offerings (especially the He’Brew series) are Judaism-themed.

Some Slapped-On Butter Tubs

“Trumpet!”

Jesus Christ Allin, perchance?

Our ice-cream truck is labeled “MR. DING-A-LING.” The “CAUTION CHILDREN” sign on the back probably should have a comma.

Yeah, but they’ll digitally alter his face for the home video release.

I've told this story elsewhere, but here goes: The summer after I graduated from college, Daddy Digital and I went on an amateur astronomy trip out west to near the Kansas–Missouri border, where about 50 of us had one fridge in a makeshift camp near a farm field. The two of us opted to stock up on provisions that…

My Adirondacker and former world traveler friend swears by a variation of the Zappa coprophagy legend. He says that Zappa would do a routine called the “plate job” in which a young lady would defecate over a glass table on stage while Zappa lay beneath it looking up. This guy will hear no assertions to the contrary.

Christ…

Gah, there it is. Imagine that in 3D and you have the ViewMaster reel that I must’ve flipped through a hundred times.

I had a ViewMaster reel of some episode where they had to fight a boogeyman in some kids’ closet. The closet led to a Seuss-like world full of bright colors and sharp angles. I’ve had dreams about finding secret rooms and passageways in my houses ever since.

That’s good! Regular gynecological exams can help catch illnesses earl—

“Why won’t Clin-Ton release her mirth certificate?!”

The JFK death shot location is marked with an X on the pavement, or at least it was in 2010 when I visited. People kept going out on the road between cars to get a photo standing on it, much to drivers’ consternation.

How ’bout The Merrimack?