That's because there aren't any good ones from the current days.

Fallon and Timerlake are not funny. It has never been funny. It's almost as funny as that time you stayed over at your friend's house in 5th grade and you did a skit for his mom.

I thought SNL went off the air in 2006?

That montage of "classic" skits did nothing but remind me of how far the show has fallen. Good god it gets ugly after the Will Ferrell years.

I think the best part of this story is the entirely superfluous introduction of "I TOTALLY had some sex in college, seriously"...kept waiting for the ending to involve the girl somehow but nope, you just wanted to start by mentioning it. Fair play.

When I was in middle school, probably 1999, most of my friends and I were all Chicago Bulls fans due to our borderline hero worship of Michael Jordan. I think we had seen Space Jam a combined 256 times. Anyway, along with the love of Michael Jordan came an deep, seething hatred of Kobe Bryant. He was already being…

When I was a freshman in college, during my first week of classes I brought my brand-new laptop to my school's library and sat in the crowded first floor in the "quiet area." I plugged in my headphones, opened my notes, and started playing some tunes.

This is a good story, but I'm most intrigued by the idea that your girlfriend had a curfew in college. How did this come to pass? Was she not an adult, free to make her own bad decisions, like dating a guy who drove a '78 Cutlass?

Dumbest sober moment:

Dumbest sober moment of my life - easy.

I was walking to my car to drive home after high school. For some reason, I was barefoot. I can't recall why exactly. But as I headed to my car I stepped in a huge pile of dog shit. It was gross, but without anything to wipe off the dog shit right at that moment I thought it could wait. I got in the car and began…

It happened in little league. I stole second base. Stole that fucker good too...made it there standing up. But we were playing on a field that was in one of those baseball complexes that housed like four fields right next to each other, so right as I get to second I hear the ping of a bat. Now, I'm not paying…

I thought I was the best front-yard football player in my group of friends when I was around 14 years old. Figured I could cover the fastest dude on the other team, and not only cover him, but run backwards while looking at the quarterback, you know, like a pro. I ran backwards into a tree (that was well behind the…

Rage Against the Machine Tribute!

It's Gigantic!

That is NOT how the second verse goes of that song.

Nope. That's still serious sociopathic behavior.

Kid: AHHH MY NECK, MY BACK, AHHHHH!!!.... Wait, he doesn't have insurance?!

This is extremely accurate and real