But in the NFL, the freedom to improvise exists only for the quarterback. And even for him, it is rare.

Sooo...what if I eat a leftover sandwich, but standing in front of the open refrigerator door? In my underwear?....Because I already did that last night.

So that was the problem. They probably should have game planned not to do that in the first place.

I AM GOING TO EAT IT ALL AT ONCE I DONT NEED YOUR STRATEGY YUM

This article made my Thanksgiving! So glad someone else despises it. The fact that I see it nearly every 10-15mins on Sundays has only helped to solidify it as my most hated commercial of 2014. Hurrah, NFL!

"And that's how my Vikings family became a Viking/Bengals/Eagles/Steelers/Cowboys family …"

I don't get why you're so hard on these people switching the teams they root for, that just means they get to blow $150 on another Official Mesh Football Shirt. Look at that picture, that's at least $2,500 in jersey's alone, much less hats and fucking keychains and whatever else...

The first part regarding the commercial should have been an article by itself without the analysis of the games this weekend. Good work

I am so glad you took down that fucking NFL family ad campaign. Watching the new version of them in their soft-focus-except-the-team-jerseys living room on Christmas morning makes me want to vomit.

The Ford Family has produced one playoff game win since 1959...one single game...in almost 60 years. Its damn hard to be that bad. And the secret no one knows, when they FINALLY fired Matt Millen, they didn't clean house. He was literally the only person they fired from the front office and they just promoted his…

That's a win for you.

OK. I'm making a new rule. No one is allowed to have sex in my house during Thanksgiving. Just no. Take your horny asses to a goddamn motel.

You're missing out on the rest of the cast then. Zooey is the least of the reasons I watch that show.

You should probably host a "we're the Deadspin staff" Q&A so you can all discuss your favorite things to cook/eat. Magary can show up and describe how he makes his anus-mangling chili. Good times.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but that's either the biggest parenting win or the biggest parenting fail. I don't know which. Awesome either way, really.

Also, from what I understand, because I am a Dolphins fans, to see the Bucs play, you have to have a lot of alcohol in your system.

I'm a Colts fan and despite the fact that we have an eccentric (to put it nicely) owner who was caught with a cornucopia of illegal prescription drugs and a briefcase full of cash, I still say "at least we don't have Dan Snyder".

This is why jeepers don't give up—they are bad at math. After $1500 in paint and $1200 in audio you list your total at $2200.

I've lived in Milwaukee for 4+ years now, and routinely do 80-85 on the highways you're referring to. I do it alone, and without inciting a rolling riot. They leave me alone.

I hate you now. I had lived my whole life without seeing that horrifying shit. And now I know it exists. Fuck you.