Lucky for Newton his Twitter is only gone for two days on account of being provoked.

The fate of the human race depends on me and my penis.

I see your Texas and California, and raise you this. (Note, this is literally the top result I got for "massachusetts tattoo" on Google, I didn't even need to type out "douchiest massachusetts tattoo ever" in full.)

"I'm on an email chain with some friends, and we are currently debating who went to the douchiest college. We have Princeton, Columbia, George Washington, and Penn alums, among others. So it's pretty tough competition. What schools harbor the douchiest of the douches?"

Joe Jackson is a black guy with a supremely creepy mustache.

And there's the only valid reason I've heard. You may carry on.

This Blogger Is The Worst Thing On Gawker

Your getting to worked up over nothing.

Every other NFL player is more unlikeable than Rob "Yo Soy Fiesta" Gronkowski. If you disagree, you are a miserable human being with no inner sense of joy and wonder.

Albert Burneko is off.

albacore is tuna...

They're still using Chicago municipal tap water to mix dough instead of drilling their own artesian well below the store and getting it straight from the earth.

♪ Snap, kick, kick, throw to the receiver...Right!

Shouldn't the Eagles' PR staff have some sort of policy against their players following other teams?

Why shouldn't they pay? They are littering. Someone, apparently not them, has to clean it up.

She wasn't asking how to make things all better, she was saying these videos should stop.

Give it a few minutes... It'll start.

So this is on Jezebel... How long before someone claims this was racist?

I approve of the outcome in that one though

"But I did realize one thing: these "social experiment" clips have to stop before someone gets hurt."