And that whooshing sound you may have heard, Sweetie?

And you're a person with such strength of his fucking convictions that he espouses them from behind a burner account. Fuck you.

Nope. Pragmatist. (And Caucasian, thank you.)

Nope. Pragmatist.

I can make this real easy for you: regardless of what you believe your rights are in this situation, regardless of whether or not you perceive it to be a double standard, regardless of how tempted you might be to wade into these waters, if you're Caucasian, just don't use the frigging word because your life will be…

No, that IS (largely) what it is. I should have been more clear that I endorse that as a basic structure for a hall of fame. (The notion that Pete Rose is part of the history of the game, warts and all, and as such should be there with full disclosure of the fact that he was a dick is the type of situation I meant…

I don't have a dick joke or anything, but sometimes people get hung up on the nomenclature. ("Fame," for example, just as "Most Valuable To His Team" screws things up in the MVP discussion.) It should be a place to honor and celebrate the very greatest participants in the history of a given sport. (The problem is, we…

There was only one playoff that year. But, no. Because they're the Cubs.

They should have hired Wang and Chung to co-anchor, then.

Unfortunately, Len Kasper ruined it by prattling on about Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs and Jim Deshaies then dropped a one-liner about LBJ he thought was funny, but wasn't.

Man, the government can't figure out how to build a website, but they've got this unjustified persecution of people shit down.

Pete Thamel attempted to reach Mathieu's family for comment on this article.

Usually people who talk about eating pussy are wearing Phoenix Mercury jerseys.

Meanwhile, your cat does the McKayla Maroney face.

He's certainly getting enough to eat at home, that much is obvious.

As I do your characterization. I've lived in both, actually. You can find it however you like.

"He's right. It's his dick." —— Emmitt Smith

Why would we bury her in Tallahassee?

This really sucks for those of you planning to watch the return leg at 1am ET next Wednesday.

Just one: Fred Smoot.