Rural Southern California is scary. And I’m from rural Appalachia so that’s saying something.

Okay, that settles it for me. I’ve gone from having no interest in Amy Schumer to actively disliking her.

Having experienced both a burst ovarian cyst and a rape, I wouldn’t consider them to be comparable experiences. And I resent the fuck out of the idea that because I or other women have gone through X, I should be totally down with any jokes about Y. Maybe some people can. Others can’t and shouldn’t have to.

ATTENTION WHITE SISTREN: BLACK MEN DO NOT OWE YOU THEIR ATTENTIONS, SEXUAL OR OTHERWISE. PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF THEIR BODILY AUTONOMY, ESPECIALLY GIVEN HISTORICAL DENIAL OF SAID BY YOUR FUCKING PEOPLE.

“And it just so happens that they were two of the sweetest angels who have ever lived, you know? It is never some toothless fucking crackhead who gets killed.”

Are there two more tiresome people in the contemporary media/entertainment landscape? (Kardashians don’t count as “people,” because they’re clearly members of an alien species of reptilian origin.)

I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards. He was like, “That’s a marshmallow. That’s a child. That’s a dog.” It wasn’t mean — he just seemed confused.

Due to the paywall, I was prevented from reading the whole interview. Which means everything Lena Dunham does should be behind a paywall.

You’re obviously one of the all-wrongs I used to hang with. It’s like a reunion.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned growing up is that actually, no one else has anything I want.

Engagement ankle!

To be fair, when I was thirty, my romantic life was a disaster. I was dating all the wrong men (seriously, I dated all of them and they were all wrong). I was also awful. On the plus side, social media hadn’t been invented yet so the only people who knew about how bad my 30-year-old choices were and how whiny I was…

Dammit. Now I want some cocaine.

My counterpoint: this is my idea of athleisure and at my job is totally acceptable:

Yet you don’t mention Beyonce’s Ivy Park line? Because flying spaghetti monster forbid any Jezebel writer says anything remotely critical of Queen Bey?

While the widespread popularity of “athleisure” in American culture is a hellish development in the waning realm of individual personal style, it also coincides with a moment in which excessive exercise is seen as aspirational, adjacent to those $11 green juices.

I read this while eating chicken nuggets on the couch. I feel pretty good about that choice.

I think ABC finally learned their lesson after super boring farmer Chris and the snooze fest that was Ben’s season. Luke would have been more of the same, so I’m glad they chose somebody slightly more interesting. However, Nick is not a guy I can imagine as someone I would seriously want to marry. Nick seems to be the…

I don’t get the alleged sexual magnetism. He’s like someone gave a ferret a fake beard and a Vineyard Vines gift card.