Retta is a better woman than I.

The best thing about aging is that the older I get, the fewer fucks I give about the opinions of dickwads like these.

Agreed. If there's anything good that comes out of this story, it's that at least I learned that a brave and great and wonderful girl, Jada, exists in this godforsaken cesspool called earth.

As much as this story makes me cringe, I am deeply saddened at how lonely that woman must have felt that she needed to keep her mother's corpse to keep her company. She must have missed her so much.

I don't even know who I envy more. She gets to have sex with HIM. He gets to have sex with HER. And I get to read about it on the internet, in the middle of the day, in my pajamas.

Well Eva Mendes is worth about 15.5 million dollars, the internet tells me, so I don't think she needs a check every month.

I absolutely love this picture. I feel like he's saying, "yeah, I'm in the Bodies issue with Michael Phelps and Serge Ibaka but why would you want that when you can have all this." And I can't stop staring at it any time someone posts it.

I'm having trouble sorting through my emotions. Is there a good phrase that conveys jealousy, happiness, and deep shame for caring so much?

Let me repeat that: the death of the bride.

I wish there was a show like "Wife Swap," but it was called "Life Swap," and Kim Kardashian had to work the real job of an actual poor person for a full year. And then at the end of it she was told that absolutely no cameras were rolling.

I think you mean, "Maybe Won".

Wow. I read the original article at LA Weekly and the one here. This man has some really amazing things to say about life.

Has anyone reached his black best friend for a comment?

He should have just called his piece "I Am Desperate For Attention."

"The parents reported on various aspects of their children's health and mental wellbeing."

Oh Joan Rivers, let's be honest:

I once stopped my car in the middle of the street because I was so sure that a hedgehog was crossing in front of me. I waited for a solid 5 minutes (it was 3am, no traffic in a residential area) until I realized a)that's fucking stupid there are no wild hedgehogs in this area and b)it was actually a pinecone.

No, allow me to pay for my own birth control out of insurance which is part of my compensation.

I wish we could stop pretending that all women wrestle with the decision and that it's the most difficult of their life.