Why, yes, I was watching Netflix during the eclipse. I paused Little Witch Academia just to see the sun get a little fuzzy. Does that make me an angry unemployable loner? Maybe.

Doesn't that happen in Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash? He declares a new program: No Child Left Alive. Ba-dum-tsh.

Back in my day, we had to click on links to go to different sites with three little videos of clips from one porno, none of the clips exceeding a minute. And we still jacked off for fifteen miles in the snow!

Who said they were dads?

Were you eating a Milky Way?

The genitals might be in nearly the same proportion.

I saw Patton and Lawrence of Arabia in 70mm, the latter of which seemed almost obscene in its beauty and grandeur, as if I and the packed-full theater were simultaneously having an orgasm.

Moral Orel still retained some hope in Orel's unwavering faith in God and Reverend Putty and his daughter's relationship. At this point in Rick and Morty, I just hope Morty, Summer, and Jerry can help Rick and Beth develop empathy or just cut them from their lives.

I'm on the spectrum, and I love anime. Can't relate to being interested in trains or penguins or Sonic. But you want to talk about post-war cinema of Germany, Japan, and Italy: I'm here for you.

I always hate the guy who has to show off his impression when he asks a question, i.e. asking Dave Willis a question in a Meatwad voice.

I remember seeing Titanic at the tender age of ten and eating four whole buckets of popcorn. While I've eaten more buckets at a theater, it's still my best record for a single movie. Am I a hero? That's really up to God, isn't it? He works through me and my arteries.

You can buy him for a dollar.

It never stopped being true. Likewise with the Republicans' "WE WANT WHAT'S WORSE FOR EVERYONE! WE'RE JUST PLAIN EVIL!"

How did he get away with that title being plastered on cinema houses and movie garages?

Or Red Dwarf.

Having finished the show years after it ended, I knew that Korra and Asami became a couple at the end. But aside from Korra mentioning writing to Asami and vice-versa, I didn't see much intimacy between the two before the ending.

I just saw two IMAX 3D movies at that theater, and while it looks great from the center back row, anywhere left or right of the screen causes a blurred effect at the outermost edge. It didn't ruin the movies, but it was a constant distraction. But damn, Dunkirk was amazing on that screen.

The dumb future was pretty free of racism from what we saw. Also not too many Jewish or Asian people, either. How about that.

Why is every movie about the under-40 crowd so alike? App developer, Bushwick, barista, Tinder: these are the words and phrases that define the mundane normality of modern times.

I'd wager that a giant douche, while inconvenient and useless, is at least not as disgusting and offensive as feces smushed between two pieces of bread.