Claw & Order: Special Velociraptors Unit

Wait . . . does "the 9/11 part" involve one of the characters unexpectedly dying on 9/11, or am I mixing that up with another book/movie?

Nothing's more fun than hearing New Yorkers talk about the city in ways that make it sound like they're trapped in an abusive relationship.

"They call me MR. BIN LADEN!!!"

"Love him or loathe him, there’s little denying that Spike Lee . . . mostly just chills at his sprawling Martha’s Vineyard mansion, making the occasional daytrip to New York to . . . film . . . lesbian sex."

Sausage? Sausage?
Waiter, just stop it
Everybody knows
That I'm gonna eat a lobster
Then I think I'll have some Spanish
Flan for a dessert

I only slap children when they're a) Sadistic psychopaths; b) At least a foot taller than me; c) Actually 20 years old.

At first Red Skull pretends that they're hunting a super-villain called The Vagrant, but, really, Peter knew the truth all along.

When my valet brings my breakfast each morning he makes sure to also present me with the relevant sections of the New York Times, the Times of London, and Le Figaro.

You go talk to Sherman, talk to Revis, or Talib
But you are never, ever, ever, ever gonna get me covered

Don't try to defend her with man coverage; she'll just shake it off.

Put the loser in a sarcophagus.

Kanyor Swist?

I feel the same way about my baseless fear of vaccines.

Life's a series of trade-offs, I guess.

"Talibanter" will return after these messages!

MULLAH OMAR: Sheikh, won't we be risking massive American retaliation if we allow you to remain in our country?

I'm looking forward to Wahlberg and Robert Wuhl's new show about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, €ntourage.

Are you a famous actor with sub-Worthington levels of energy and charisma who spends his limitless free time smoking weed, banging groupies, and rolling his eyes as his loser friends compete for his sloppy seconds? Do you have an older brother who seems to be suffering from some kind of undiagnosed head trauma? Are…

Yeah, Hayek played the evil queen of the Mexican cartel. I didn't think Kitsch and Johnson were bad, necessarily, just too bland for the movie. Not that I know who would've been better—they're too old now, but ten years ago James Franco and Colin Farrell would've had the right kind of energy for the movie. Not…