Spider-Man learns that Red Skull has been hiding out in the neighborhood, and blackmails him into recounting his World War II-era adventures.

Not if they're trying to fit in at Casterly Rock. Old habits die hard.

But what if Spider-Man fans didn't like him? I'm not sure he could take that kind of rejection.

UNCLE BEN: With great power comes great responsibility.

[Quietly deletes his Jacob-and-Bella Twilight tribute video set to 10,000 Maniacs' "Because the Night"]

They clearly over-estimated demand for Jean-Claude Van Damme's Hard Target.

"Eight inches to Gryffindor! . . . . What? What did I say?"

[Quietly deletes his Edward-and-Bella Twilight tribute video set to Patti Smith's "Because the Night"]

Mr. Potter, I wanted the fight against evil to be professional. Efficient, adult, cooperative—not a lot to ask. Alas, your father did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

You exercised great restraint in not calling yourself "Bonercide."

Hey, man, are you questioning Ross Perot's credibility?

If there isn't already a Major League Soccer team called The Boston Massacre, they need to get on that.

Eisenhower was the military strongman America deserved, but not the one it needed.

Maher has the "stare at the camera" thing down; he's still working on the "after saying something clever" part.

That's how you end up with Boston Massacres.

Me, I was always a Schwarzkopf guy.

I keep waiting for some charismatic Army colonel to put a stop to this "quadrennial elections" nonsense.

I always loved watching the NFL Films Super Bowl recaps they'd run on a loop in the week or two leading up to that year's game. Steve Sabol did a short intro and conclusion and always seemed like a) A nice guy; b) A guy who appreciated having an awesome job.

That sounds like a rip-off of Charlie and the Charnel House, in which wealthy children with serious illnesses win government-funded health care and end up being euthanized by Kathleen Sebelius.

[Later that evening, in a deserted field outside town, ANNA and JACK sit in the front seat of JACK's car.]