And the food is served nine hours after you order it.

The remake should've been about retired American presidents who rob banks dressed up as surfers. With . . .

Just think of yourself as a Los Angeles-area retail banking location, and Warner Bros. as a man who looks and acts like Ronald Reagan and says he's taking your money for your own good.

Beside the Point Break

I think "not 'measurably worse' than fascist death squads" is an entirely fair assessment of Che Guevara's moral worth.

That's already the name of the 18-hour Friedberg and Seltzer Lord of the Rings/Hobbit parody.

I thought he pushed it from being so-so into actually being a good movie. He created a real character—funny but also charismatic and (within the bounds of a silly comedy) a little menacing.

"Good news . . . for those looking to hate-watch some maligned curiosity by a movie star who’s decided he wants to play director, too."

"Mr. Knight was arrested, again, after hospital security discovered him repeatedly backing his wheelchair over the victim."

Grisly Man?

Just like John Wayne Gacy and Hermann Göring!

This great evil, where's it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doing this? Who's killing us, robbing us of life and light, mocking us with the sight of what we might've known? Does our ruin benefit the earth, does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this…

Well, that's a relief!

ZOMBIE: [voiceover] Where is it that we were together? Who were you that I lived with? The brother. The friend. Darkness, light. Life and death. Was I like you when I had a human mind? Were we members of the same species? Oh, your brain. Let me eat it now. Look out for the dead. Look out at the things I've made.…

Crap.

Ha ha ha ha ha! You think this is the real Quaid???

Haiku in the Key of Joss: Volume I

I'm just disappointed because I was hoping to see more of Eli Roth's nuanced acting work.

Uncle Sam wants you . . . to die!!!

Working title: I Have a Scream