He’s lying, of course. And also so what.

Who cares man

You mean like a real live flesh-and-bone human being? Quelle horreur!

Wife-beating Bill Murray’s shit isn’t cute, if it ever was. The fuck out of here you narcissistic, violent asshole.

Gross. Elevate your game.

Thank you for this valuable public service.

This is a memorized bit he does for promos and probably doesn’t really have a basis in reality as evidenced by the near word-for-word recitation in every interview.

“Get rekt!” -Lewis Hamilton, quite literally, to his haters.

Senpai still ain’t noticed you, eh?

Margaret Cho has always been someone who lies for attention. She’s like if Marc Maron were a woman. It’s too bad because she is incredibly talented.

A “bit.” Yea. Ok. Right.

Gross. The fuck is wrong with yall.

You mean the FBI, CIA and DNI? Can you not read?

You work in real estate?

Jail is not pleasant, especially if you are in isolation. In fact, I’d say isolation is far, far more cruel than the death penalty. If it is retribution you seek, having him locked up alone 23 hours a day is far more effective to that end.

Man, I feel that.

The fries were described as “woody.” What do you think?

🔥