This is a memorized bit he does for promos and probably doesn’t really have a basis in reality as evidenced by the near word-for-word recitation in every interview.

“Get rekt!” -Lewis Hamilton, quite literally, to his haters.

Senpai still ain’t noticed you, eh?

Margaret Cho has always been someone who lies for attention. She’s like if Marc Maron were a woman. It’s too bad because she is incredibly talented.

A “bit.” Yea. Ok. Right.

Gross. The fuck is wrong with yall.

You work in real estate?

Jail is not pleasant, especially if you are in isolation. In fact, I’d say isolation is far, far more cruel than the death penalty. If it is retribution you seek, having him locked up alone 23 hours a day is far more effective to that end.

Man, I feel that.

The fries were described as “woody.” What do you think?

🔥

What permits? It’s not a business but a “societal endeavor.”

Somewhere, Jonah Peretti leans back into his Eames lounger, sips some cognac and thinks to himself “This Freddy fellow has moxy.”

It’s not a Mustang, doofus.

“I like Lane Kiffin.” -someone with excellent taste and not at all someone with incredibly bad judgement and probably an amoral sociopath.

This is a troll. You sprung his trap.

If you’ve never had booze before it will announce itself pretty violently on first sip. This story is bullshit.

Here’s why this is bullshit: in order to reap the gains forced-induction engines supposedly provide over their naturally aspirated (larger displacement) brethren you have to drive them in way nobody actually drives them in the real world (that is, in order to stay out of the boost). Once you are on boost the fuel…