The worst is like, you start working out and the sun is shining on your fucking face constantly. This really great tired-muscle feeling, endorphins, fall right asleep at night, your anxiety gets scared away a bit, the whole thing.

No matter how bad your life is, you will look at these beautiful people in their cute outfits and perfect hair and cool job and awesome social lives and be like, “Oh my God, at least my life isn’t as crappy as theirs.” It’s super entertaining!

its mental relief from the shitshow the world is daily. 

I too love Vanderpump Rules! Even occasionally gruff Ken has grown on me. I wish he and Lisa would get a few cats, tho. I can picture Lisa walking around in Valentino and sky high shoes, holding a black cat, conquering the world. Meow.

Yaaasss!!!! I am here for the messiness. Question, would you rather: go to therapy with Jax, listen to Scheana’s “singing,” or have an intellectual discussion with Racquel?

thank gawd this is back.

Yeah there’s literally no way that I have had sex with more people than John Mayer. I’m a sexually-repressed Catholic (I am aware that’s redundant) with daddy issues and about 25 extra pounds on a body that’s too short to look good with that amount of excess weight. I’m cute and fun, but not cute or fun enough to…

Six , John??? With just all the women he’s been linked to over the years, that can’t be right. Why would he lie? But why would he publicly say any actual number. He’ll come back again and be like, “It was a misunderstanding. I was joking about it being only 6 people.”

I was a my kid’s field day event at the end of the last school year and got a good laugh when they were announcing the kids participating before each event.

This is what happens when a name becomes too trendy. Remember when everyone was naming their kid Taylor? Well now Taylor and Taylor we’re dating, but then Taylor broke up with Taylor. Then Taylor got with Tay and Taylor got in a weird fight with the West’s. The fuck is that.

I recently realized I could never be a cougar because one of my genuinely stupid values is that I need to be with someone who gets all of my Simpsons (seasons 1-10) references.

I really want to be all “age is just a number” but no.  That’s gross. 

i mean...of course they are? like, this is no surprise. i didn’t imagine we’d need the evidence of increased wait times for naturalization to know that obviously the trump administration is suppressing the immigrant vote. 

Yes. The Trump administration is a white nationalist oppressive regime against anyone who isn’t a wealthy, white, christian.

You would not believe how many people don’t give a single fuck about your pregnancy/labor PTSD and pressure you to have more kids.

This is the last thing any child or parent should have to worry about, with regard to education. I’m so sorry. This should be an exciting transitional time for your kid. I hope they have a happy, safe experience.

When Duckling graduated high school this spring, there was a sense of relief that they were leaving a situation where they could be picked off by an angry gunman at any time.

“We in America are misinformed,” he said. “Reality shows have warped our idea of what a hero is, or what the truth is.”

Would you use John Mayer’s number?

When Martha gets out her hot glue gun, stuff gets EMBLAZONED, while the rest of the plebeians just get BEDAZZLED.