I was going to suggest “Private Smith - I am temporarily re-assigning you. Your new duty station is next to a clinic two states over, and your assignment will last two weeks. You will receive the normal travel expenses for a temporary re-assignment.”

I hear that the Supreme Court has already released a 6-3 decision upholding Kacsmaryk’s ruling in this case with all of the dates reading ‘xxxFill inxxx’.

“The FBI agents came to me, big burly guys, with tears in their eyes, strong masculine men, saying, Sir, thank you for your service, sir, you are obviously the only bulwark This Great Nation has against the filthy Commies...”

I expect that we’ll find that he was standing his ground.

I wonder how your chances of using a gun lethally scales with the number you own. If only the CDC were allowed to study such things.

It’s probably quicker to follow the Florida model, where you remove all books except the Bible and make faculty beg for individual titles to be returned, in front of a non-partisan stakeholder board consisting solely of white middle-class Christian activists.

Just tell him he won and that they’ve rescinded the order. Hold a press conference admitting that he has a bigger D than the entire Army and Marine Corps. But don’t change a thing - he’ll never check.

Hey! Dildos are humble but dedicated objects which bring harmless pleasure to many, which in my book means that they contribute much more to society than obscenely rich post-human wealth vacuums.

“Mr. Trump - if Joe Biden illegally signs an executive order banning abortion, will you commit to restoring American freedoms by recinding it on Day One of your presidency?”

Amazing that all of these thin-blue-line “thank you for your service” boot lickers simultaneously threaten to kill any cops sent to take their guns.

Something tells me that contracts above $200k require multiple bidders and due diligence to show that family members don’t work for the contractor.

I don’t know if it’s a mod as much as a style statement, but I nominate running around town with your red-painted recovery eyes screwed in to advertise that you’re such a bad driver that you endlessly end up off track.

Maybe this fault explains why these trucks veer uncontrollably to the leftmost lane on highways, regardless of other traffic or conditions, until ten meters their exit.

“Please include the race, socioeconomic status and voting registration of the suspects, and forward a copy to the State Christian Morality Militia.”

Given the insurance company’s claim not to have flown the drone, but merely to have seen drone photos, my guess is that one his neighbours was sick of the mess and found an innovative way of messing with him by dobbing him in to the insurers, who were happy to play along.

The data for that section of road might be a bit blurry for the next few months.

The Meg 2: Electric Megaloo.

Probably because he’s already written the press release claiming that he won, that he overturned the entire Democrat philosophy, and should be made President for Life. And his supporters will lap it up without listening to the debate.

Hey, George Washington never took a commercial flight. Stonewall Jackson never took a commercial flight. No plantation slave owner ever took a commercial flight.

What could be more fiscally responsible than running a simple con to get other people to fund you lifestyle for no return?