In America, we use words like “grit” to describe players who are willing to get dirty and like “captain” for those who will do anything for their teammates.

The thing about shit-talking Waiters is that sometimes they spit in your food.

The Triangle worked because some of the smartest and greatest basketball players of all time placed their trust in a guy who turns out to have been too stupid to deserve it.

One man was charged with the real-sounding crime of “unlawful use of a two way communication device.”

Fat jokes about Whitlock almost seem counter-productive at this point because there are so many truly awful things about him.

In Martellus Bennett’s defense, every end of the pool is shallow after Jason Whitlock does a cannonball.

And then I’m gonna go up to my fourth-floor apartment and continue to do whatever the hell it is I want to do.

I’m gonna say the slightly obvious here, but Greg Howard did Deadspin and the world a great service by exposing this goddamn malicious phony for what he is.

Measured, reasoned and informative. All the things Whitlock is not.

He’s screwed, he doesn’t have creible defense.

So [Watercraft] [Watercraft] was too on-the-nose for you, but [Protein] [Protein] wasn’t? Fuck you.

Left him out to rot??? Uh, I believe they would have used every part of this kid.

Reached for comment, Buffalomeat said he finally feels like he’s getting back at his old Little League coach, who left him to rot in the outfield.

The rock band Chicago once sang, "Does anybody really know what time it is?" For 82 people in Chicago over the holiday weekend, it was time to get shot

When talking about Chicago, Kanye West once rapped, "I met this girl when I was 3 years old." Odds are that the girl was shot over the weekend.

There were 82 private screenings of "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" last weekend in Chicago. For 16 viewers, the price of admission was sadly their life.

In The Untouchables, Sean Connery's character famously said, "He pulls out a knife, you pull out a gun. That's the Chicago way." By that math, 82 people pulled out knives over the July 4th weekend.

They say journalistic integrity is dead in America these days. If that's the case, then journalistic integrity must have visited Chicago over the July 4th Weekend.

"I'm still alive," Eddie Vedder once sung. And so he is.

"A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido" sang Kurt Cobain, about four things you can kill with a shotgun. Cobain successfully killed his libido when he put a shotgun in his mouth in the 1990s.

"I am the walrus" - John Lennon. If Kurt Cobain were the walrus he would still be alive as he would not have had fingers to pull a trigger.