Is this customer support? How do I check my email?

Backwards donuts?

Pedophile horseback riders, amirite?!

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God, you sound like my wife...

You realize of course I have to do this now.
The mess in my kitchen is on you. The egg-mess anyway.
The dirty dishes and general filth are still on me.

I think the tip of his glove hitting the post saved him, because it looked like it was headed over the line.

The fans, who live in a desert and know fuck-all about hockey, think it’s a goal!

It gives “see with your eyes, not with your hands” new meaning...

Didn’t Shaft invent that move?

After he was finished with the boot, he removed the video.

Phht...like I’m gonna be scared of that. I’m pretty sure I can kick fat ugly bastard’s ass.

I’m not sure why I do, but it has taught me one thing.
Beautiful women pick their noses while driving with SHOCKING regularity.

Oh....ok.
I first I thought you meant sneaking more bourbon just into myself.
I was about to recommend hiding a bottle in the toilet tank...

I wouldn’t be surprised if farmed turkeys have their wings clipped, in addition to being fatter than their wild counterparts.

At least you were safer than the driver, who was seated directly behind a steering harder than Thor’s hammer.
Built to withstand strikes from the strongest of ribcages.

Lordy, were they ever.
Sitting in your parent’s lap you likely had to worry about accidentally getting a lit cigarette in the eye, on top of everything else.

Yup. They’re stupid, and should not be relied on, like the dumbass in the church learned, but they do (in theory) indicate if a round is chambered.
I have a hard time believing this guy’s malfuntioned though. I’d bet he either didn’t actually look at it, or forgot how to read it.

SENIOR. Bob Taft SENIOR.
Pretty big difference...