Red Bull clips your wiiiings.

I was at A’s Rays last weekend, when a ball landed right at the feet of a ballhawk and his weird adult balhawk son, then bounced over and came to a rest under my seat. I picked up the ball, and the ballhawks looked at me in grateful expectation, as if I was going to hand it to them. Of course, I gave it to a little…

The real question is: Did he attend the Republicans-Democrats game to get a ball last week after the shooting?

Hate to say it but Kershaw was wrong in this case. He should’ve said, “Sure!” and hit Hample in the nuts with a 98-mph fastball. It was Father’s Day, after all.

I was thinking “Bad Mamma-Jammas”.

Jajackasses.

Magic has to be Berry Gordy, while Lonzo is Michael Jackson and Lavar is Joseph Jackson. 

He DID drain it.

...THE BAND!

Can you do me a favor and let me know when you are thinking about buying a new car?

Can you do me a favor and let me know when you are thinking about buying a new car?

rimshot

All wrong.

I thought nitrous just temporarily added 8 new gears into your transmission. Thanks for the information!

You get a solid, one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand count. If you haven’t started moving, or your brake lights haven’t at least flickered off by then, you get the horn.

While they might have cropped out the rafters, he forgot the GIANT FUCKING TEXAS FLAG on the left.

Nothing pissed me off more than when I make the perfect solder connection only to realize I forgot to put the heat shrink on first

Pa pow!

Can you even imagine how much nut Derek would be making at the Catalina Wine Mixer?

he ain’t got nothing

Honey? Have you seen my key to the Internet?... It's a card... It has a little gold thing thing on it. Someone wrote on it in Sharpie... I don't know why they wrote on it... Yes, that does seem like an odd thing to do. Please, honey, focus. Have you seen it? It's importa... No, I'm not being short with you....…