Why do they teach little kids a watered down version of an important book? Do they teach the Seasame Street version of Lord of the Flies to these kids too? How about you wait on the mature books until they’re old enough to read them instead of teaching them multiple versions of the same book?

“...prostitutes, professional criminals, and synthetic drug dealers are pretty standard knowledge for most Florida fifth graders.”

I eagerly await her YouTube attack ad against the fifth grade class.

Every time you say “Namaste” an angel turns gay. Everyone knows that.

I feel so weird when the NFL does something right for a change.

I still love him, even if he knows dick about cat dick.

And you know some of those drivers have secretly had abortions.

So there I was sitting in traffic wondering whether to get an abortion or get a manicure. Then I saw this license plate. Totally changed my mind. Thanks, judgy plate. My nails look great now.

I would seriously have to rear end any car in front of me with that plate.

Life started in the ocean! Probably deep volcanic sea vents. But humanity started in Africa.

I wish he could be in his last year forever; he’s been his best self lately! He’s probably gonna be a great ex-president too...

Yeah this is a three-part disaster: socially conditioned male entitlement, no real system for adequately treating our mentally ill citizens, and far too lax gun laws.

I teach 4th grade, and one of my kiddos asked if he could do sharing on Friday. He brought in his iPad and started to talk about his favorite singer who had recently died. He played “Let’s Dance” for the class and shared pictures that he found on the internet. It was the sweetest thing ever! Most of the class had no…

I have a feeling that Duncan’s (Zowie) young life was probably tumultuous and the nanny probably played a big part in raising him. It’s really nice that David honored that.

Calm down there, Satan.

I’m in my 50s. I have so many stories of how women had to go through hell to get an abortion or birth control and what happened when they couldn’t get one or both.

I recently read some shitbird rando on Facebook say that this was “just a prank” within spitting distance of having just said that saying “Happy Holidays” is the same as commiting a hate crime. I dunno about this Jesus person, but some of his followers really need to be taken down a peg.

Great. Can I wrap a used tampon around the door to a gun shop?

2015 was a stupid, garbage year. Lets just regroup and do better next year. And when I say do better, I mean if Ted Cruz or Donald Trump gets elected, I am pulling this car over and everyone has to walk home from here.