“After that you would be just another asshole Yinzer showing off how unbelievably lucky you were to have been born a Pittsburgh fan.”

It was tough for me as well trying to vote at the local high school. I kept having to explain to the kids that no, this time I’m not here to sell them weed.

i’ve voted a couple of times today already, and not once has there been a computer malfunction. i’ll keep trying.

The biggest glitch I saw today was that people thought it was okay to vote for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

And then they came for the group gatherings, And I didn’t speakup because I could go to the bar; And then they came for the barkeeps, And I didn’t speak up because I could stream illegally; And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time i was watching porn because, who cares about Jags V. Titans?

It literally could have been any male between the ages of 12-120 on the face of the planet.

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if companies like Intel didn’t have the capital to invest the $10.6 billion dollars it cost to research and develop new technology? Or if drug companies didn’t have the capital to invest in drug development? Think of the collective progress we would make if every-time a company has…

Last year a little guy was on Wheel Of Fortune. They had a surrogate there to spin the wheel for him. At first I thought the surrogate would pick him up and lean him towards the wheel so he could spin. I was wrong.

Yea, if the minimum wage was $100,000, that would solve all our problems!

This is a sincere question: is your personality as a writer a character, do you happily ignore reality, or are you really as huge of a hypocrite as you seem to be, or is it some combination of those?

Full benefits with 20hr/wk average

The tallest midget is four feet, ten inches. If we’re getting all scientific....

So you only work in absolutes. Relativism has no place in the work force? Got it.

2/10 satire

8/10 low key racism

You’re right. We should be paying baristas $85,000 per year. As always, the perfect annihilates the good.

You meant to type “real” instead of “reel.” “Reel” means a cylinder on which wire or thread can be spun, such as one might find on a fishing pole. (It also describes a lively Scottish folk dance but that clearly isn’t what you were going for.) “Real” on the other hand means “actually existing or occurring in fact”…

Personally I think if you’re going to let Amazon surveil your home through a fucking Trojan Horse of a speaker, you might as well get some yucks out of it.

Then behold the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir, an veritable Volvo-load of evil:

Dig how you explained what Big Mouth Billy Bass is, but I had to Google “Alexa.”

I mean, they kind of have to listen to him, don’t they? He brought Cleveland a championship, he fucking owns that place for the rest of his life.