Lol, as long as you're not trying to kill me I don't even care.

Alanis knows what you're talking 'bout.

"Shade" is the new "Ironic" — everybody uses it but almost no one really knows what it means.

I can only imagine the casting couch.

My brother was there. But you don't want brothers at birthday parties. Or very small orgies.

"What are you doing this weekend?"

How can you be sad at an orgy?!

I'm laughing. And I want to stop. I feel wrong laughing.

Reminds me of my second grade birthday party. I invited a bunch of kids and only one showed up. Very small outing to Showbiz Pizza.

I'm imagining 5-6 sad, drunk people.

"Very small orgy" = what? A threesome? Two pairs of swingers? Porn on the TV while you jack it?

"very small orgy"

"I vetoed Planned Parenthood funding five times out of the New Jersey budget."

Sadly, no matter how many times advocates and others let people know that Planned Parenthood does more than abortions, the other side will not listen.

Jamal's solo version is clearly the BEST version of "You're So Beautiful" and I can't stop singing it. If this show ever has a big radio single, I hope this is the one that blows up.

I mean I know I shouldn't have been cackling for ten minutes about what's basically a prison rape joke. I don't think it would have worked directed at just some actress, either, but since she said it to supermodel-of-the-universe-who-will-throw-her-phone-at-you-for-squinting, somehow it comes off as funny. And how…

There's my life before Cookie said to Naomi Campbell "you probably would've made a good bitch for me — you look like you got a long tongue" and there's my life after she said that. Nothing will ever be the same.

"If I could get my nails done while someone feeds me popcorn, life would be perfect."

Clearly this is the work of notorious super-villain Oyster Man.

bless you for this. this was the first thing that came to my head when i read what the OP said