Bingo.

The writer's description of how these Mtl. bagels differ from ours in NY unwittingly makes the case for ours and against theirs.

No it couldn't. The narrator cops to picking on a mid he thought was weak and being surprised when he fought back, and sobered/stunned when the kid was driven to public suicide by his torment.

Jeremy is the protagonist, yutzes.

Hit a nerve, eh?

What'd he do wrong? Not be hot enough, tall enough or rich enough?

I'm 44 and want to die. But not because I'm 44, per se.

Weird item: I've had a huge thing for Mandy Moore for forever now, which annoyed my insanely hot Dominican ex-girlfriend when I mentioned it in the very early weeks of our relationship, before I learned a hard lesson about girls…

I always thought it was "young hearts BEAT free." Hmm.

Would you maybe wanna look at my balls?

It's 3 Laws Safe!

Ok…I'm rude, fine. But how the FUCK does typing on your phone cause you to come not even close to the spelling of a word? You just didn't know it, why can't you own that?

Yeah. It comes when I get ton rewind 44 years and have anyone from my parents to teachers to peers not mock and ostracize me for my looks and weight and sensitivity and intellect and not turn me into a miserable fuck who's playing out the string of life and who only ever feels empowered like I even exist by…

"pussies." Drop the -y/add -ies is like second grade shit.

Dirigible, dude. If you can't spell, Google is your friend.

That's truly dire.

No, I've never experienced either of those two bizarre dynamics. No clue what you're talking about.

Art-for-art's-sake bullshit. The two most overrated bands in alt-rock history.

I'd bet my sack that Billy Joel has written more great songs and can play better than your 10 favorite artists combined.

How is this—above—"work" at all though? What is achieved by this and how is there any talent involved?