It's no surprise to hear that Warren Sapp doesn't tip.

Yet here you are, posting on Deadspin and likely getting paid to do so.

I need oven mitts to handle this take

A hockey player would've taken out a life insurance policy for $3 billion on himself, named himself as the beneficiary, died, resurrected, claimed the benefits, and finished the shift.

"Who wants to watch that crap? Do you? I don't want to watch that crap."

Vote: HP OfficeJet Pro 8600

And once you sex it just right, its time for some lovin'

Someone should have told the kid the five D's of dodgeball, "Dodge, duck, dip, dive and Dodgers are assholes."

He just got drafted by the browns, he's going to need it.

That's a crap load of vodka

Petchesky: Tom, don't you worry calling Westbrook "basketball cocaine" reveals too much about your past?

Gilbert is just mad that Hibbert is trying to steal his nickname.

Roy Hibbert should not respond on Instagram. It would be like bringing a knife to a gun fight in an NBA locker room.

"Damn, she IS that crazy"...

then, a quick glance back while thinking, "nah, this bitch aint THAT crazy"...not realizing the projectile had been launched by the aforesaid crazy bitch.

Did I do this right? I think I made this video right. Apparently, it's what the "kids" are watching today.

the precise moment when Pink realized "this bitch is crazy". Steely eyed, I'm about to F-you-up written all over Blacks face...

The girl the in pink shirt will definitely miss out on additional stimulus funding.

Surprised this is coming out already. Usually it takes Tallahassee forever to respond to a rape.

Yep, Sport of the thinking classes....