Mostly correct, except that Kelce was playing past the whistle too, so in the spirit of AWR AWR AWR MAN’S GAME GRRRRRR the “play” was still going on between those two. What I’m really trying to say is fuck the Chiefs.

Uh, excuse me, Samer, but “Gronk Lite” is actually the high-intensity illumination device used to draw Gronk to parties, much like a bug zapper, except with far, far more cans of Busch Light built into it.

A Buccaneer with a hand injury. VERY ORIGINAL CJ!

Just imagine leaving the 1578th comment on the Instagram photo, coming back 12 hours later and it’s buried amongt another 1000 additional comments and now he’ll never see your clever wordplay where you ask who will be FOOTING the bill

Kick him, don’t get kick him; either way he falls, clutching as if you blasted two shells of buckshot in his guts.

i do work while at work. when my shift ends, i stop working. I do not understand why people have a hard time not working.

Reminder: Josh Hamilton Is Still Out Here Doing Dope, Baseball Things

Fuck you, Carl. FUCK. YOU.

Quotes from the story, ranked:

I’m couldn’t hear the audio over the sound of his balls clanging together.

The sign clearly said “No Smoking.” Cutler was just being a prick, as usual, he totally deserved it.

Those 5.6 errors per 100 words from the Jets fans largely come from referring to the organization as a professional football team.

What these rankings don’t tell you is that Lions fans only use the words “send,” “water,” “food,” “police,” and “help.”

He wasn’t a chemist either, but looked how well that turned out for him.

The only good thing about Reggie Miller broadcasting a basketball game is the pretty high likelihood that he is going to say something that makes no sense.

Reggie Miller is a fucking moron.

Reggie must have said this 10 times during the game. I kept waiting to see if any of his “puns” would eventually meet the criteria of actually being puns.

Well, that's alllllll folks...

It's not a slam dunk at all. It's a 3-pointer, dummy.

Confusing list. I expected him to use bullets.