You’re a monster.

Hey Burneko, if you love horns so much, why don’t you blow them?

Pleeeease Barry, enough. It’s not “golfing”. It’s “playing golf”.

How’d you get the girl in the bikini to move from in front of the truck long enough to snap a picture? I assume all hot rods and big trucks come with bikini models.

I was in the Ravens Marching Band from their inception until 2000.

OJ Chase - 31

The only thing that makes this even remotely edgy is the fact they suck fuck every 6th word.

There are actual real live good rock n’ roll bands in existence today. The Struts are not one of them.

I got fired like two weeks later.

No.

Holy shit. They have actually managed to assemble the worst possible television program.

Sure thing Tom...

You do not “hit” a hole-in-one. You “make” a hole in one. You do not “hit” a birdie. You “make” a birdie. You people are awful.

I suffered from extreme swelling when I had my wisdom teeth removed my freshmen year of college. I was showering one afternoon after the swelling had gone most of the way down, and when I looked in the mirror I was horrified by a giant rotten green spot covering most of my chest from shoulder to shoulder. I…

As an alcoholic in recovery, “take a sip, it won’t renew addiction” is an offensively stupid bit in this column.

Dammit. I’m really going to miss the old written version of the funbag.... What will I read on the pooper??

Earlier this week, Colin Cowherd went back to one of his favorite wells: bashing John Wall for no apparent reason.

My money is on the rumor involving waterworks- hence the yellow hued featured image.

Right. And it’s a story because this particular adult man did a stint in rehab recently.