My mother. Who uses a STICK of butter to saute a pound of mushrooms. And doesn’t understand why this is a wildly inappropriate amount of butter.

Here’s a preview of next week’s headlines:

I’m English, and I’ve never once cooked peas in butter. The only thing you should be doing to peas is shelling the crafty little buggers and hoping to hell there’ll be enough for dinner otherwise you’ll get the paddle.

Do you ever watch MeTV? It’s an “oldies” station that reruns tons of ancient TV shows, and the commercials are gold. They’re mostly focused on people of grandparent age, and in between all the ads for trusses and elevator chairs is this...thing...

Ummm, what are the food miles on those avocados, you monster??!! It’s people like you who are destroying our earth. Shame!!!

You’re starting with seeds for wheat? I start with a grain from the Mesozoic era and let millions of years of evolution take its course.

Out of regular ingredients? Try my alternate recipe for avocado toast, using items you probably already have lying around. Instead of toast, try using a Post-it Note, or a drink coaster. And if you don’t have any avocado, try replacing it with some nails or packing peanuts.

I once went to this crazy fancy restaurant when I felt like blowing a bunch of cash with my husband. One of the desserts (there were three of them in the 13 courses) was Froot Loops and milk. But somehow the chef made a ball of Froot Loops and white chocolate that was hollow and filled with the milk. So you pop it in…

It’s a keychain that looks like a cat, with two pointy ears. You put your fingers in the holes for the cat’s eyes. Can be used to go for soft flesh, like the thighs, or the eyes. Same thing really as the keys between the fingers but you are less likely to drop it since your fingers are hooked through it. It's illegal…

The majority of the population had never heard of the Kardashians until Kim’s sex tape. If it wasn’t for that they’d still be wallowing in D-list celebrity obscurity. And the world would be a better place.

Seriously. I was an adult in the 90s. No one knew or cared about Robert Kardashian’s family.

I lived in a food desert in Amman (only because I was totally broke: my wallet was bedouin or to put it more succinctly: بدون) but invited to all of the embassy parties due to my work. Crazy hours + completely broke meant I was living on peanuts, rice, pasta and the occasional hummus (throw in some sahlab during the…

Please. They were barely on anybody’s radar. Kim’s porn tape is what put the on the map.

Nobody gave a shit, or second thought to them before Kim became (in-)famous for letting Ray-J pee on her.

I am kind of a big deal around here, aren’t I?

Thank you! I pride myself on never clicking on K-posts because I don’t want to give them one more iota of attention that they’ve already gotten, but this one compelled me. Point being - these yahoos trying to defend their fame is mind-boggling to me. She is famous for being Paris Hilton’s friend, who then let Ray-J…

I remember the name Robert Kardashian from the OJ trial, but I don’t remember knowing anything else about the family. While perhaps on the periphery of notoriety, I think as a family they were far from being well known.

I ate Sushi tonight. It was phenomenal, a little place in the middle of a strip mall. It’s world class sushi. Look closely at the drink specials on the menu. Yes, that eleven dollar bottle of sake was on special for. 99 cents. Also, go Orioles! 51-36, first place in.in.tje AL East!