Madison Bumgarner gave his wie a calf for her birthday. This must be mentioned every time his name is invoked.

He's batting .265 with three hr and two doubles. He wanted to be in the Home RUn Derby.

Then no worries: The Washington Times never has been, and never will be, a newspaper.

"OFF we go into the wild blue yonder,Climbing high into the sunHere they come zooming to meet our thunderAT 'EM BOYS, GIVE HER THE GUN!"(Actual first four lines of Air Force fight song. Emphasis added.)

This is what happens when Americans get their quadrennial dose of soccer.

Pelicans usualy get it from the other end — their beaks can hold more than their belly can.

The penis: mightier than the sword.

Please, sir, may I have some more...phine?

"...corpse-repository/baseball team WHICH HAS WON TWO OF THE LAST FOUR WORLD SERIES."

"Forget your crappy old one ever existed" + graphic of dog's legs sticking up from garbage can = someone who has never owned a dog.

Forgiven? Not once. Not twice, not...

And Spy is at fault here — to the point of your wishing this had put them out of business — because....why exactly?

And Dell! (a/k/a Steph's dad)

You wouldn't let someone play in the PGA without forcing him to play in the Masters, US Open and British Open. Oh wait.