“here is Joseph Fiennes, brother of Ralph, also known as “the hotter one,” as Michael Jackson ...”

Jesus shit, every single promo for that movie made it looked like straight up depraved white-people shit.

I think I’d rather be poor. Christ that is ugly.

It was a standard style for those in the marsupial military.

We’re the young generation,

Read Oryx and Crake next

I’ve been a Real Adult for a long while. The gifts I was most excited about this Xmas were a can opener and a shoe horn.

People with cats cannot have expensive wine glasses. Case closed.

Victim: Help! I was raped by a police offic-
Republican: No you weren’t.

Mashiquan, Prescianto, and I would like a quick word in private, if you don’t mind.

“men and boys will pretend to be transgender to infiltrate bathrooms and locker rooms used by women and girls.”

Does Kidman have a teeny tinsy head or is it that Keith has a huge noggin?

Trump brand gold.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets the bright idea to use their phone to turn the water in my shower ice cold. That will be the day that I commit murder.

I would take her advice on how to do things with long nails

My mom always said the visible label was the price of the discount you got for giving them the free adverstising. The Coach bags with the huge Cs are cheaper than the traditional simple leather ones.

What’s really cringy are those horrible Michael Kors bags with the door knocker MK medals hanging off them. Lady, that bag is canvas and there is a bin of them at TJ Maxx for $55. Take it down a notch.

I think this Tiffany shit with the name imprinted on it is so tacky that I blush when I see someone wearing it, out of sheer embarrassment for them. I feel the same way about every overpriced piece of logo shit, which probably makes me the last dinosaur on earth to feel this way.

Pimp Momma Kris is her manager. She manages all in the koven and gets her 10% off the top.

Have to give Lea Michele credit. I didn’t think anyone could top Anne Hathaway in terms of giving me a visceral reaction to the level of theater-kid thirst. Lea Michele is so, so much more insufferable than Hathaway.