Of course, this was just a sacrifice-bunt drill. Later, during the suicide-squeeze drill, Burnett will step onto an elevator and wedge himself between C.C. Sabathia and Bartolo Colon.

Sharp Beauty, a.k.a. Rene Russo, broke down on the muddy track at Charles Town, causing a seven-horse pileup. Only Sarah Jessica Parker walked away. To celebrate, she took a piss like Tori Spelling.

Stanton added that a Rose by any other name will still smell like Aqua Velva.

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By coincidence, "hairy, intense" is how Lamar Odom describes sex with his wife.

Also alive because of a missed punch? Jonestown survivors Tim and Mike Carter.

Tiger eventually admitted that he had no interest in becoming a Seal, but still could not explain why he smells so much like tuna.

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And for added hilarity, check out his Baseball-Reference page:

Joel: "Son of a bitch! One more time. Start it over. Ready?"

It was also reported that after breaking bread, they ate it with extra-virgin olive oil.

Several years later, while on the same tour, St. Louis Browns outfielder Pete Gray also appeared to do the fascist salute, but it was eventually determined that Gray had merely been trying to demonstrate the American symbol for "touchdown."

"toward a," not "toward in a." Derp.

By contrast, a "perfect double-alley poop" is what Lenny Dykstra, ever on the run, called his latest bathroom break.

Fact: Neil Peart once worked toward in a 20-12 record, but in the end, Geddy Lee just hated zeroes and hyphens.

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NASCAR's Cool With Queefing During Races, Won't Punish Danica Patrick

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Also in danger of a 32-page suit? Mark Foley.