By coincidence, "highly doubtful" is how Randy Moss described himself when asked if he might return to the NFL.

The scene also includes inconsolable twinks.

Pictured: Michael David Barrett's court-ordered screensaver.

To participate in the 11 a.m. conference call with Joe Paterno, dial 1.

Well, here's the thing: Did you do the Google search by candlelight and without zippers?

By coincidence, "Not On First Base All That Often" is also the title of Chapter 1 in a new book called The Amish Guide to Baseball and Life.

+1

Just in case you're wondering: [www.baseball-reference.com]

Steve Balboni Is Being Inducted Into The Baseball Hall Of Fame For His "Base-Stealing Excellence"

+1

Another way to clear a low bar is to yell "fire!" at Pygmy Ugly.

The worst part came later, when he accidentally backed over his sister Carmen and got a banana in the tailpipe.

+1

Pictured, right to left:

Well, of course there are pictures of Shaun White out in the universe.

Comedy gold!

Pictured: a screenshot from a recent pre-screening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Testicle

Did you know that Hint Of Pickle is the name of my new shoegaze band?

Look, if it's fishy accounting you want, go with the firm that handled the finances of Sid Bream, Kevin Bass, Steve Trout, Tim Salmon, Mike Carp, Johnny Ray and the flaky Jim Haddock. Suffice it to say that those guys had their best seasons after using Lemon, Garlic, Butter and Dill.

After events such as Running Very Swiftly (Albeit Happily) From The Plantation Owner's Daughter's Bedroom Window In The Dark Of Night failed to catch on with viewers, Roots Sports Dubuque at last declared bankruptcy.