Yeah, the Revenant looks awful. But it’ll probably win everything because why the fuck not. The Academy Awards are like the Who’s Line Is It Anyway of award shows; the points don’t matter and the answers are made up.

And if there’s going to be a Kardashian mention, attach a TRIGGER WARNING image.

this may be an unpopular opinion but the revenant was terrible and leo does not deserve an oscar for it

A better question is, “You just found out your true love has been fucking a goat every three months. Are they still your true love?”

Followed by a bear with a laptop.

We are ALL Neil deGrasse Tyson’s subordinates and you know it.

This one actually angered me. You’re not eight. Respect the wilderness; we have such little left.

Monogrammed guns: The new thermoses.

He needs to be tlopped.

It’s sand. Drag a stick through snow and it compacts, it doesn’t shift to the sides.

Unless you change your name to The Noble Renardashian, these stories will go nowhere. Each website is required by law to have 7-10 stories about “the family” every day, so minor crazy anecdotes like these won’t even cause a ripple in the media.

ya know, all it would take is for people to stop writing about them...

PLEASE may we have a Dirt Bag based entirely on the exploits of Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman??

I’ve gotten to the point where i just skip them...

“Police officers do not get paid to get stabbed or shot,” Forcillo argued. “They are paid to go home in one piece.”

If my boobs looked as great as the girl in the denim blue jeans and long hair, I would walk around topless all day.

Thank you. I tried How to Get Away With Murder and I found the writing cheesy and laughable. There are so much better quality shows out there I couldn’t subject myself to it.

You graduated in 1971 from college and are bragging about your SAT score?

How do you know someone’s a Harvard graduate? They tell you.

BA English Literature magna cum laude, Harvard College 1971 and after all this time, the only value you’ve gotten out of it is bragging about it on Gawker in 2016.