Don't forget to mention the part where her husband is a police officer and was driving behind her that night!

My 6-year-old said "fucking hell, the flour's going everywhere" last time we were baking, when the flour was, in fact, going everywhere. And when I looked askance, she repeated "fucking hell" a couple more times to make sure I heard it.

I grew up around heavy swearers and one time when I was like 7 or so, I called my dad a 'prick' because I heard my mom call my dad that. I had no idea what that word meant, I just thought it was the right word to use at that time to express my anger. Well I got the shit kicked out of me so hard as my dad was screaming…

Wow that song is awful. If Avril Lavigne wants to ape Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's visual aesthetic, she could at least doing us the favor of copying the music, too.

Yeah, no. Just... don't.

Men: Now us men can feel insecure too! Score one for the patriarchy!

Women: Yeah, bitches! Welcome to the party.

Men: Uhh, we were being sarcastic ...

Women: Look, motherfuckers. We've been dealing with this shit, like, forever. We're too tired to be sarcastic. We have no pity left. Now push-ups and crunches and toes…

MY EYES (•̩̩̩̩＿•̩̩̩̩) MAKE IT STOP

Right. We transfer down there a cute kid who doesn't know his ass from the music business' hole, you process him into the faux-monster that he is, and now you want to force us to take him back.

1. YOU BROKE HIM YOU BOUGHT HIM.

Hold up, I'm a white Hispanic girl. AM I PRETTY? I NEED TO KNOW! Tell me, I need to know before I go on with my life.

I absolutely love how they think no or very little eye makeup = no makeup. The French Elle "sans fards" (heh) covers were at least a tad more realistic.

I don't wear makeup, but that's because I'm really hyped on this new trend called "getting a lot of sleep and waking up as late as i can get away with before i have to get ready for work."

I was norm-core while it was just called norm.

Wait, hold on, did you mean that jelly beans are like crack to you? Because my initial reaction was that I got really confused about why you were talking about your butt.

That entire VF article left me with the impression that whomever wrote it 1) didn't read the book and 2) seems to not understand what fictitious t.v. shows are.

Aaaaackkkk...why is there a comma here?? Shouldn't it just read "maybe this is a bad time to say hi."

He sort of mentions it in the original article. He initially paid by saving up (and I'm guessing credit) and has since made enough money as an attraction that it's become self-sustaining.

Actually, he sounds rather self-aware, honest, and articulate. He admits he always wanted to feel glamorous and that plastic surgery was the most obvious way to go about it. He couldn't magically become rich and famous so as a very young man, latched onto the superficial trappings of wealth. I didn't catch his age but…

THIS GUY'S VOICE IS TERRIBLE TOO. I literally burst out laughing five seconds into this. Why did they pick these people with terrible voices?!