“I cover everything because I’ve seen everything.”

Speaking of, congrats to Ashley Feinberg on the whole Pierre Delecto thing! Tremendous stuff. 

Hello, I would like to suggest a Foodspin follow-up video re: smoked donkey meat sausage. I would be fine with this autoplaying in my face all day. (Nothing against Dom, but if I hear “Welcome to Antique Shitshow” one more time I’m going to jump out a window.)

I wasn’t planning to dust off my tomato sauce takes today, but since you bring it up...

He exploited loopholes in the Laws of Nature. Technically, they tortured themselves.

SkyCam should put a dang chip in the ball so it can track every play like this.

Kneecap. 

Fortunately for Parnas, a highly-placed U.S. official has asked his personal lawyer to look into the whereabouts of the signed ball, which, for reasons unknown, many people are saying may be in Ukraine.

North Korea’s main news outlet, the Korean Central News Agency, did report on the event, saying “the game of attacks and counterattacks ended in a draw 0-0.”

I look forward to Darren Rovell telling us how valuable that ad placement has proven for “Royal Blood-Fresh.”

Dos a cero > Two, eh, zero

The political calculus is pretty simple.

I was cautioned that working in an ice cream truck with unlimited access to free ice cream would result in a) me eating prodigious amounts of ice cream and b) me no longer wanting to eat ice cream.

Splinter was my fantasy news team. One or two people were getting me through the week, a few nice surprises from time to time, but everyone else was just kind of... there. Still wanted them to win tho.

I switched to the Nats-Cardinal after Geronimo Allison got knocked out in the third quarter. That was... scary. And ESPN showed the replay in slow motion from three fucking angles before cutting to a commercial. 

So, if Reid had challenged the original pass interference call before the refs had picked up their flag, and the refs had reviewed the play and determined that Reid was correct, that the correct call was defensive holding, and they had then reversed the call in the Chiefs’ favor to a different call in the Chiefs’…

I mean, Bridgewater has been good, but this is a little much. 

Power to Peoples!

Damn. DAMN. 

The miscalculation here is that Bush isn’t “responsible” in some vague the-buck-stops-here way that we can shrug off. He’s responsible, full stop, as The Guy whose presence allowed all the rest of the stuff to happen; he’s Joe Paterno presiding over a toxic locker rom where little boys are raped because everyone else…