Sat across from them at a Chili’s in Ft Lauderdale airport for about an hour. They were so cute together and so nice about being approached. We completely left them alone; didn’t stare or whisper. When we got up he gave Mr.R a head nod and she complimented my shoes. I tell this story only to explain why I’m sure we’ll…

LEFT SHARK WAS NOT AT MY SHOW IM MAD

Two women who are the best in the world at what they do. That’s a great photo.

Well Done JK!

Thank you, Ms. Rowling! Also, please do not publish a manuscript thirty years from now, in which we find out Harry has grown old and intolerant of Muggles.

And if I’m not ungreyed after I photoshopped an ibex for you people I just give the fuck up.

“Shit, we’re sorry, we’re doing everything we can to fix this.” <- Only appropriate response to finding out you’re involved in something racist. Thank you Google.

We have a Children’s Fairyland in Oakland by lake Merritt. This is what it is now.

Oh god. I actually perfected a Stupid Human Trick where I can hunch my shoulders so my collarbones form these sort of bowl depressions, fill them with seeds and taught my parrots to eat out of them. These bitches on Instagram can’t top THAT. LOL

*Curry. Jesus. This is what happens when I drink with lunch.

I recall a couple of sad friends at the entrance of a festival one time trying to figure out what to do with their pipes. I was just like give them to me, give them all to me. When I was done they thought I was magic.

I just held $1.25 in my belly rolls - feel like a champ!

oh sure but I bet she can’t smuggle booze and weed into festivals between her tits. Where’s that challenge because I win!

The “I’m so fucking thankful I didn’t grow up in an age of ubiquitous technology” challenge.

The other day I noticed a bunch of Oreo crumbs had accumulated in my collarbones while I was eating in bed laying down. Sexy y/n?

Riley Curry is the MVP of my HEART.

I’m like that Seinfeld episode where Jerry basically stumbles into a threesome situation offer, and George is thrilled, but Jerry decides he doesn’t want to be the sex guy because it’s too much work. “I’d have to grow a mustache, get one of those quilted bathrobes...”

Yep. I have had a really stressful 6 months and I was really having trouble eating. I wasn’t ever hungry. Food didn’t taste good. I just didn’t eat much and I lost about 15 pounds over 2 months. I went from a size 6-8 to a 0-2. The whole thing was very scary and weird and I’m trying to work on it but the compliments!…