Oh, I wasn’t arrested, it’s just pretty common in most states.

Wright’s bond has been set at $16,000.

Ricin or GTFO

Yo, I got a colonoscopy and I paid my deductible upfront and ended up owing like. TEN DOLLARS EXTRA after insurance and they sent me somewhere around 3149871039709238127327583465782694382164987236401364190743801792839012830912830184983758934568374 letters in about five days.

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.

Judge Kara Brown referred to them as “twin bundles of karma,” which is correct. I look forward to welcoming them as junior Jez staff members in like 15 years.

Yeah, really. I opened a Nordstrom’s account and then went to Europe for work for two weeks and the payment deadline passed. I came home to five phone calls from them, frantic for their payment. The balance was about $70.

I need to figure out how to run up millions in debt like this. Collectors make such a big deal when I get a little behind on a couple hundred in hospital bills, but apparently if you owe a few millions, you can just spend all your time partying.

SUDDENLY I HAVE A VERY REAL INTEREST IN BASKETBALL

The MOST adorable.

hahahaha she’s so bored BABIES THEY’RE JUST LIKE US

She’s Black.

I’m still shaking my head from the vitriol that bubbled up when Lil Bub did a Take Five video with FLOTUS. Suddenly, all these people screaming about how an Internet cat shouldn’t be political, and how they were unsubscribing or unfollowing or un-whatever on their social media platform of choice, because HOW DARE THE…

We’ve come so far since Bill Clinton went jogging to McDonalds.

And any POTUS’ too.

Note to self: check computer volume before clicking videos.

Did you see Obama’s response? It was great.

Bill Clinton would also like to know.

michelle obama could kick any other first lady’s ass, right

I don't think I've ever wanted to be someone more than I want to be Michelle Obama. She never ceases to amaze.