It can sit in your lap in the theater!

I didn't see what this movie was about AND I'M DOING JUST FINE.

Call me Cthulu.

Then lock the intern in a box, lower it into an abyss to never be reopen, and run away.  Run away fast.

If you're not attached you have a duty to the rest of us.

Congratulations on both your anniversary and clarity with your living situation!

Yeah, that sounds like The Big Chill except not shitty (except for the shitty circumstances).

We're a welcoming community.

Stop reading my AV Club fanfiction.

Streaks on the AV Club are so fucking gross.  I have to use extra bleach just to get them out!

Does it count if @avclub-0f8c229d0f31647b7017002ed708067f:disqus was wearing a pastie?

Need a 24th?

She just wants to see you choke on a cheese stick again.

Replace "he is the kind of guy" with "the GOP is the kind of party" and we're making progress.

Should've turned to him on the way out and said, "Pleasure sitting next to you but I gotta go plow this broad."

I'm sorry, I was the sitter.

When I was a kid, maybe 7 or 8, I thought it'd be really cool to drink milk straight out of the carton because so many badasses did it on TV. I had my white t-shirt, my jeans, I was ready to go all James Dean on it.

Three days absolute tops, unless biological breakdown occurs before hand.  Anything dairy-related much, much sooner.

Don't worry, they'll be back.

…..JUST LIKE THATTTTTTT