David Caruso, good to have you here. People just love your show. You have to do any on-site training for the role?

Excuse me, what the fuck did you just say?

You'll like this one. The latest polls show that President Obama's approval ratings have slumped to an all-time low. Which explains Obama's new Secret Service code name: NBC.

Hahaha! *holds stomach lightly* Capachow. *knocks microphone on desk over*
Now I like what you're wearing. Do you think I could pull off that look?

Pootie Tang, good to have you here. Lot to talk about. I have to mention this: you seem to be a guy that the ladies just go crazy for. (adopts old-timey voice) Not the only one around here, see. (back to regular voice) You ever have out of the ordinary encounters on the street?

(still with the nerd voice)

Very Funny Man
And he directed the movie that has my favorite title: Pootie Tang

NERD ALERT
(adopts nerd voice)

I love you too, sir.

You're gonna like this one. Scientists have discovered a Chinese herb that cures alcoholism in hamsters. They're hoping that it will cut down on the number of accidents they have on that little wheel.