It's got nothing on The Devastator:

My favorite are the commercials for companies that want to sell you gold, because when the economy collapses, normal currency would become useless. Seems like they have their whole business model backwards, in that case.

It's great because it turns out I was doing so many things wrong, and I never would have known without her.

The Washington Post recently had a column comparing all of the candidates to Game of Thrones characters. It's tough to tell who should have been more offended: fans of the politicians referenced or fans of the book/show. It was pretty terrible.

To make a long story short, I hitchhike to/from work with strangers so they can use the HOV lanes. I've had to learn which cars always have on right wing radio so I know to pass on those rides. It's just so awful. It's like the two minutes of hate from 1984, except it never stops.

"…which I'm sure has landed me on some sort of watch list."

Got a surprise week long visit from my mother-in-law this week. I'm desperately trying to find a reason to stay late at work.

I went skyyyyyyyyyyyyydiving…

It was a total mistake to try to recreate the power dynamics of the first trilogy. They could have plausibly made it work if they established that while the Rebels won at Endor, they were too weakened to really take back any other Imperial controlled territory. Any government that decides to address an existential…

Death Star 3 was pretty bad. If you've give the villains a death star, you have to lead with that. You can't suddenly introduce it halfway through the movie after you've already established that both sides were fighting to find the location of Luke Skywalker.

All those years we spent ignoring needed investments in our internet infrastructure are finally catching up to us. Seems like the internet breaks awfully easily these days.

Thank you for your courage!

For the freezing metros, at least the blasting AC should balance everything out when your train catches on fire. You always have to look for the silver linings. I've got nothing on anything else though. I hope it gets better for you.

1-year-old-specific recommendation: The National Zoo is free, and if you go during the week, not too crowded. It's always a hit with my kids.

Why do you have to get the fucking plane back to the roof you started on?! Shouldn't it be enough to just take out all of the couriers? Goddamn level made me quit the game.

I feel like book Thorne wouldn't have had anything to do with the mutiny. He did his fucking duty.

I imagine they'd just make snotty comments about how our gimmick accounts haven't been funny in years, and we should have quit years ago. Turnabout is fair play.

Please don't tell them that I've failed them. They gave me one job to do.

I was once strolling down a sidewalk, confident in my status at the top of the food chain and without a care in the world, when I noted to myself that some goslings were hanging out on one side of the sidewalk, but the Mommy goose was on the other side. I kept walking, because what could I, a member of the dominant…

Are you suggesting that I would have been happier if I didn't read about the meaning behind Justin Bieber's new face tattoo?