He's even dropped the formality of "Mr." at this point. He's trying to fit in with all the skateboarders at the park by calling himself "Pibb Xtra".

We would have also accepted "The Weight Jokes of Winter."

I, for one, will never stop lording my knowledge of the series over the non-book readers. I bet they don't even know if a godless man can sit on the Seastone Chair.

Agreed. Are we talking damp after drying yourself off in the shower, or a soaking wet, accidentally dropped it in the pool type of thing?

My story doesn't involve pants-shitting per se , but rather the universe mocking me. My girlfriend and I were on our way back to our apartment, and I was feeling a rumbling down in the ol' bowels. I knew it was a race against time, and I got stuck behind, of all things, a truck for a septic tank cleaning company. …

No pop culture for me, today. Tonight, I'll be thanking God for inflicting pain and misery on impoverished Africans, rather than me.

My weekends in high school consisted of looking through Blockbuster to find the cover that promised the most T&A with the most innocuous name. My friend's parents would rent us rated R movies, but nothing that sounded too dirty.

I've been buying gifts for the women in my life for quite a few years now, and I'm going to share a little secret that I've found to be true 100% of the time:

Well he did just solve everything.

Only about 1% of the population genuinely can't handle cheering for something with gluten. The rest of us have no problem processing gluten in our protagonists.

They really are the worst, aren't they? Not me, though. I like to keep all my posts humble and down-to-earth. By the way, "humble" and "down-to-earth" are both mentioned in the paragraph explaining how awesome I am that I got after I took the "Which color M&M are you?" quiz. (Light Brown FTW!) Of course, I had to…

Jef Costello, always with the exaggerations. I'm sure there's nothing like that at all in the picture.

Me too, that paint will never come out.

Everything sounds like a euphemism to us. Instead of trying to avoid them, just make them as obvious as possible. There's got to be some fruit out there that hangs so low that even AV Club commenters wouldn't go for it.

He really does like African American folks, it's just this darn policy that keeps getting in the way. Rules are rules, though, I guess.

His heart must not have been in it by 1835. The old Andrew Jackson would have found a reason to make this about slaughtering Native Americans.

For me, it's never really winter until they start selling the cinnamon and nutmeg flavored roofies.

Screw this Poop Sub-thread

It's either that, or because everybody else gets to have a subscription to Nintendo Power Magazine, and I'm the only one who doesn't, Mom.

It always amazed me that in the days before the internet or game FAQs, absolutely everybody who ever played Super Mario Bros. knew about that hidden 1-up right near the beginning of that first level.