Could he cry over the turkey? The extra salt and water would really help it.

Can I come to your next Thanksgiving? Here's an actual quote from my mom: "If it was a store-brand turkey, I'd probably try to season it a bit, but this is a Butterball, so you pretty much don't have to do anything with it."

I recently watched an interesting documentary on the origins of Santa Claus. Turns out, most of his modern practices, such as entering a house via chimney, or leaving gifts in stockings were devised as a means to circumvent Burgermeister Meisterburger's ban on toys for the children of Sombertown.

I completely agree, but then I wouldn't be able to point out to my facebook friends from high school that when they're making fun of millennials, they're making fun of themselves.

The terminology section of the wikipedia page has some good references on the various timeframes different researchers use (https://en.wikipedia.org/wi…, but I agree 100%. The thought that I, born in 1983, could be in the same generation as somebody born in 2004 (according the to the authors that coined the term) is…

It's tough to lock down the exact start and end dates of a generation, but the general consensus is that the "millennial" generation includes people born in the early 80s, which is definitely prime Ghostbusters-nostalgia age.

Admire my son, he is my clone

Some of those look like they were created by somebody trying to come up with a unique way to commit suicide. Are there really people out there who would enjoy a Cinnabon Pizzabon that aren't just actively seeking a way to induce a heart attack?

So many places just give you the chewed-up turd stick variety of sausage. Sausages should be in casing, as God intended.

I was recently at my state fair, and saw an item on the menu called a "Fry Me Over The Moon." Figured it sounded interesting and asked the woman at the booth what it was. It was a Reese's peanut butter cup sandwiched between two Oreos, which were stuffed inside a Hostess cupcake, which was inside a sliced-in-half…

He argues that everything is constantly expanding: http://www.scienceforums.ne…

He does actually question the existence of gravity in that book. I'm 100% serious. He suggests that when we jump, maybe the earth expands beneath us to meet our feet.

Sorry, we were looking for "I hope somebody got fired for that blunder."

Well, when you take into consideration the ever-increasing number of households that watch on HBO Go/Now, rather than through a traditional cable subscription, and the impact of all those people attempting to steam the episodes at the same time, and…you were making a joke, weren't you? Goddamnit, this is why nobody…

Is it a shelter dog? Mine will freak out if you pick up any large object, but brooms in particular set her off. It's horrible that something in her past must have been so traumatic that she still has a fearful response after over 10 years with us, but hey, it gives us a good reason not to sweep.

You just need to beat everybody to the castle age and get your monks out there to retrieve all of the relics before you opponents can. You'll be rolling in gold long after all the mines are exhausted.

It's strategic in the sense that you still need to devote villagers to gather it, but it's basically infinite on most maps. Now stone is a different story. You find yourself a stone mine, you gotta protect that shit.

I knew it! I had always heard vague rumors but then I noticed them both making the same criticism about "Magnolia" in two different articles. Their ability to articulate why the movie was a failure better than I could has been their undoing!

They can't rename it! I just thought of a great comment to post the next time a GJI is stupid: "Real great job, there, Internet!" Except I write the "real" part all sarcastically. It's gonna be awesome!

It's like you can read my 3-year old's mind or something. Just a heads up that once I have to read it to her for the thousandth time, I'm going to secretly start hating you.