I was making hipster jokes before they were popular.

We can hang out, but stop harassing the poor server about how they're not technically a factory. It's embarrassing.

I'm what polite people would describe as a "good eater". I finish my meals. But Jesus Christ, the portions there are absurd. Last time I went there, I could only get through half my sandwich.

I live in an area that has virtually no local, independent restaurants, nor does the community seem to have any desire for them. It's all chains, and people will get really excited when a big chain opens up a new location in our area. The goddamn Olive Garden has a 45 minute wait on the weekends. Since I refuse to…

I have not seen Mr. Show, nor do I intend to. You know why? Mr. Show
is trash, and trash belongs in the gutter, not in my mind.

Also, it'd probably be considered a real dick move to really make a big fuss about revoking her title.

Goddammit, that sounds painful.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on a local news outlet's Facebook page after the Supreme Court struck down gay marriage bans across the country. It's not even just gay men in general. They are really fixated on butt sex. So fixated that they post several paragraphs of intricate details. All, of course,…

I do get a bit uncomfortable when she does the whole showering a deserving viewer with riches part of her show. For one, she often comes off as trying to take credit for a giving a gift she didn't actually have to pay for. I also always start to think about the tax bill that impoverished family that just got a new…

So did the aliens abduct the natives too? I'm sorry, but your theory seems a little unrealistic.

Cut the guy some slack. Have you seen his girlfriend? Woof!

Very true. I always buy the store brand "Pure Vanilla extract" that's somehow about $17 cheaper per bottle than the other actual vanilla products. I know there's got to be some sort of subterfuge going on with the "pure" part, but goddamnit the rest are expensive. At least it's better than the imitation vanilla.*

It's not like that at all. *waves away man dressed like giant vanilla bean.*

Vanilla, in addition to being delicious, is actually one of the most complex spices available. The anti-vanilla lobby has been able to sully its name for far too long.

You're also too late to the 4:30 autogyro.

Does anybody know if a supreme deity has ever weighed in with his thoughts on lying?

It left me SPEECHLESS.

So Jeb is going to have to settle on being president with his cousin?

Correction, Star Wars is above nothing:

Are you saying that this one insane fan theory didn't change everything you thought you knew about Star Wars? Because the articles were pretty clear that it should.